THINGS I KNOW ARE TRUE - or I wonder if they're true:
(in no particular order)
- Calvin Pace’s advertisement encouraging people to get tested for HIV is obviously not intended as an encouragement to get tested for drugs specializing in performance-enhancement.
- Vernon Gholsten (remember him?) is a man with a gigantic, heat-inducing magnifying glass above him, held by an equally gigantic kid with a boredam problem, who basically represents… Well, me, maybe. I don’t know.
- Mark Sanchez has managed to appear dumb before even coming to New York. Why must he try to act like Tom Brady before taking a snap? Why must the Mets wear black to look like the Yankees?
- Mark Sanchez will start opening day?? Really?? Somebody call Browning Nagle and ask him how his career went as a rookie starter. I know, I know. Matt Ryan. Joe Flacco. Keep intoning. Breathe. Repeat.
- Rex Ryan has changed the “culture” at Hofstra – er, Florham Park – er, Cortland. He is apparently OK with players making mistakes. He smiles more than Eric Mangini, but then I do, too, and I suffer from depression. The question is, what will activate the Ryan gene for inexplicable behavior?
- The Jets will lose their first six games of the regular season. This will bring the culture back to normal.
- Real, imagined, fictional, absolutely true, player, entourage – in any event, rape against women surrounds the real culture of American football.
- Plaxico Burress will not sign with the Jets because he’s probably going to serve as much time as Michael Vick (but possibly more than Donte Stallworth?)
- Thomas Jones and Leon Washington are both a little hurt, feelings-wise. But Shonn Greene is going to be a better pick than Mark Sanchez. (I know, I know. They play different positions.)
- But, more importantly, will Danny Woodhead still play for us this season? What a movie that would make.
- Kellen Clemens will start for us? Really? Really??
- Nobody is reading this right now.