21 Not-So-Rhetorical Questions masking as complaints (but for the unaccustomed, the answers are listed below):
1) Is a DUI a serious enough offense that a coach with integrity can ban the drunk driver and his passengers for two quarters? Maybe three? Four?
2) Is Rex not quick enough with the red flag? Is it wedged somewhere? What's the problem?
3) How many interference calls that lead to touchdowns will Kyle Wilson be responsible for before someone decides to teach the young man how to cover effectively?
4) Is Darrelle Revis OK with his apparent lack of summer conditioning?
5) Is anyone fooled by the nonsensical Peyton Manning impersonation that Sanchez does at the line that is followed by an ineffective Shonn Greene run up the middle?
6) Does an established NFL team not coached by Any Reid really need to call three timeouts in a minute and a half early in the second quarter?
7) How many yards did Thomas Jones gain for the Chiefs against the Niners this week?
8) Do I need Bob Costas to explain to me why Michael Vick is being given a second chance?
9) Enrique Inglesias is the halftime show choice. This is how we know it's Hispanic Heritage Month (there is no Hispanic History Month, apparently). But I'd rather watch Mad Men, which I'm not watching because of this game. So, my question is, can't I just see that funny chick from the Progressive ads again instead?
10) Aren't the MetroPCS adds vaguely racist?
11) Is my dog going to starting freaking out and barking at nothing in particular at a critical moment that I will miss?
12) Is it hot enough for you?
13) Did Rex Ryan take lessons from my pee wee coach in how to fake injuries to slow the game down?
14) Does "Tony Sporano" sound like "Tony Soprano?"
15) I'm starting to think Revis Island doesn't exist. I know Riker's Island exists. Plaxico Burress lives there.
16) How excited am I to see Danny Woodhead break one out for the Jets in this game?
17) How many expensive, drive-killing penalties has Braylon Edwards acquired in this game?
18) Is Brad Smith a star?
19) If the Jets score, will Matt Slossen be responsible for a holding call?
20) Kendall Lankford = AJ Duhe?
21) Am I happy that Braylon Edwards is playing in this game?
1) Yes, yes, and more yes. Unless it's not important to the league. 2) WTF. Found it in the second half, thank you. 3) Keep counting. It's a long season. 4) One would hope not. 5) I would think not. It's pathetic and embarrassing. 6) HOLY GOD, no!!! OH GOD!! 7) 95 yards. 8) No. 9) She briefly appeared on Mad Men, actually. 10) You be the judge. 11) Yes! The Jets' touchdown to Braylon Edwards. Arf. 12) 83 degrees in Miami during the middle of the second half. 13) No. Coach Sutherland is, I believe, in prison. 14) Yes, and apparently many, many jocular references have been made to this over the past two seasons, almost to the point where you would think it wouldn't be worth mentioning anymore, Al Michaels. 15) That's not a rhetorical question. 16) As excited as you want to be, you schmuck. He scored a monster touchdown for the New England Patriots against the Bills this past week. Just like that. Gone for good. I've been pulling for him to be a star on the Jets for years. Now he works for the unspeakables. 17) Again, not rhetorical. But one so far. Inside the red zone after the blocked punt. Tripping. I wish we had gotten Anquan Boldin. Honestly. 18) Well, in this game, sort of. 19) Apparently. Twenty nine penalties in two and three-quarter games. 20) Unbelievably, very freaking nearly. 21) What am I, a hypocritical idiot? Yes.